Posts tagged feminism
Posts tagged feminism
This is what a “prolife” world would look like.
That girl deserved better.
This is something that happened to a friend of mine in her own words.
“So, on Friday night my friend and I were at her house and wanted to get out and do something for the evening. We brainstormed ideas and she brought up the idea of seeing a show at the Laugh Factory. I’d never been, I thought it sounded fun, so we went. We saw that Dane Cook, along some other names we didn’t recognize we’re playing, and while we both agree that Cook’s style is not really our taste we were opened-minded about what the others had to offer. And we figured even good ol’ Dane can be funny sometimes, even if it’s not really our thing. Anyhoo, his act was actually fine, but then when his was done, some other guy I didn’t recognize took the stage. Of course, I would find out later this was Daniel Tosh, but at the time I thought he was just some yahoo who somehow got a gig going on after Cook. I honestly thought he was an amateur because he didn’t seem that comfortable on stage and seemed to have a really awkward presence.
So Tosh then starts making some very generalizing, declarative statements about rape jokes always being funny, how can a rape joke not be funny, rape is hilarious, etc. I don’t know why he was so repetitive about it but I felt provoked because I, for one, DON’T find them funny and never have. So I didnt appreciate Daniel Tosh (or anyone!) telling me I should find them funny. So I yelled out, “Actually, rape jokes are never funny!”
I did it because, even though being “disruptive” is against my nature, I felt that sitting there and saying nothing, or leaving quietly, would have been against my values as a person and as a woman. I don’t sit there while someone tells me how I should feel about something as profound and damaging as rape.
After I called out to him, Tosh paused for a moment. Then, he says, “Wouldn’t it be funny if that girl got raped by like, 5 guys right now? Like right now? What if a bunch of guys just raped her…” and I, completely stunned and finding it hard to process what was happening but knowing i needed to get out of there, immediately nudged my friend, who was also completely stunned, and we high-tailed it out of there. It was humiliating, of course, especially as the audience guffawed in response to Tosh, their eyes following us as we made our way out of there. I didn’t hear the rest of what he said about me.
Now in the lobby, I spoke with the girl at the will-call desk, and demanded to see the manager. The manager on duty quickly came out to speak with me, and she was profusely apologetic, and seemed genuinely sorry about what had happened, but of course we received no refund for our tickets, but instead a comped pair of tickets, although she admitted she understood if we never wanted to come back. I can imagine the Laugh Factory doesn’t really have a policy in place for what happens when a woman has to leave in a hurry because the person onstage is hurling violent words about sexual violence at her. Although maybe I’m not the first girl to have that happen to her.
I should probably add that having to basically flee while Tosh was enthusing about how hilarious it would be if I was gang-raped in that small, claustrophic room was pretty viscerally terrifying and threatening all the same, even if the actual scenario was unlikely to take place. The suggestion of it is violent enough and was meant to put me in my place.”
Please reblog and spread the word.
Pardon me if this seems incredibly simple, but it took me a while to strike upon it:
I’ve seen a lot of defense of Tosh that boils down to, “Tosh was well within his right to threaten a woman with rape because she was a heckler and deserved it (and should have expected it!” But here’s the thing: no one’s saying he wasn’t within the boundaries of expected stand up comedy club ‘rules’ to take down a heckler, no matter how much they agreed with her argument. It’s that he did it in a distinctly violent, awful, completely unfunny way: by threatening her with rape and assault. He didn’t have to.
This was his first impulse. His gut reaction to be interrupted, to having his authority over his space threatened. It wasn’t to use his ‘gift’ at comedy to turn the situation to his advantage, to reassert his dominance of the audience’s attention. To make a funny and gain the upper hand. No, his default, first reactions, was to say, “Hey, it’d be hilarious if this woman was violently assaulted by five men right in front of you.”
Lets take a look at a few other examples:
See the comedians taking down hecklers I posted above. They used insults, shaming tactics, and their skills to gain the upper hand. To take back the room. “Aggressively,” even. And they’re all hilarious. And none of the comedians said, “Hey, wouldn’t it be funny if this heckler was VIOLENTLY ASSAULTED RIGHT IN FRONT OF US?” Because that wouldn’t be funny—it would be down right horrifying and traumatic.
The fact that Tosh jumped straight to rape as a means of reasserting his power, and that so much of his stand up revolves around rape jokes is, I think, very telling and quite predictable. And a microcosm of the point a lot of people have been making about how rape jokes are inherently unfunny.
Wow, accidentally deleted my original post. Reblogging so I can keep it in my archives.
As defined by urban dictionary, the friendzone is…
“When you are expected to support a girl you really like while she searches for a smarter, richer, and more handsome boyfriend. There is little you can do without feeling like a dick. All in all, one of the meanest things a girl can do, whether they mean it or not.”
and ”The perennial location of nice guys everywhere.”
Although this hypothetical situation could work both ways, friendzone is almost always applied to a man who is rejected by a woman. Therefore, there is something inherently unequal, something inherently sexist about the term “friendzone”. But what and why?
From my experience, this is what friend zone is. A “nice guy” pursues a woman, but isn’t forward with his intentions from the get-go like, say, a “jerk”. The woman is pleased to see a man who is interested in her not as a sexual object but as a human being and wishes for things to stay that way. The man is not satisfied with seeing the woman as a human being because being “expected to support a girl” is a bad deal if she’s not putting out.
Before I delve into the sociological aspects of this, I just want to point out that ”friendzone” is no more pleasant for a woman than it is a man. First, that is to say unrequited love works both ways, but the person who doesn’t return affections is considered mean only when she’s a woman. And second, what option does the woman have in a traditional “friendzone” situation? Just stop talking to a close friend to avoid “leading him on”? In high school, I found out my best friend of 2 years liked me. Having to tell him I didn’t feel the same way and being immediately ex-communicated via Facebook status (“Thanks for wasting my time”) was one of the worst things that ever happened to me. Were our two years of friendship invalid because I didn’t want anything more? Was all our time together really wasted because there was no hypothetical pay off?
Guys who do this and claim to be “nice guys” are the worst misogynists because of their sense of entitlement toward a woman. They make investments in property and expect their dividends. They are fake friends. They are selfish. And they will jump at the chance to vilify you and victimize themselves when their attempts at manipulation don’t work. Clearly, “friendzone” is the remnant of a phenomenon that has plagued women since the beginning of time: women are not independent creatures. Our love lives exist only in the context of a man’s desire. When we make independent decisions, we are subject to a host of derogatory terms. “Slut” is how we vilify a woman for exercising her right to say “yes”. “Friendzone” is how we vilify a woman for exercising her right to say “no”
There are a few things Rick Santorum should keep in mind before terminating his candidacy. Ashley Judd, Michelle Trachtenberg, Katy Mixon, and Eliza Coupe weigh in.
hahahahaha WORD. :D
A sincere thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone who made this.
Oh my sweet baby Cthulhu. You are fucking kidding me. It boggles my mind how people can so rabidly follow a person and be so intentionally, aggressively ignorant of a) his actual politics and b) the practicalities of those politics.
Ron Paul absolutely has a political agenda when it comes to abortion. He’s saddled up with Personhood USA and signed their pledge to “oppose assisted suicide, euthanasia, embryonic stem cell research”; attack abortion rights “without exception and without compromise”; and, most importantly, “work to advance state and federal laws and amendments that recognize the unalienable right to life of all human beings as persons at every stage of development” and appoint judges who feel the same way.
He is on record as supporting a federal constitutional amendment to define life as starting at conception, thus making abortion illegal—has even authored a bill about it. He’s totally down with completely defunding all family planning, including birth control which LOWERS abortion rates, because of abortion. And if he ever WAS president, something that is thankfully never going to happen, does anyone honestly think he wouldn’t be nominating and appointing anti-choice people to every position he could find? (See: Personhood USA pledge.)
Saying that he has no political agenda concerning abortion is to willfully and intentionally ignore EVERY SINGLE THING he has ever said or done regarding reproductive rights.
These would make stupendous gifts for breastfeeding parents.
And cheaper than plastic surgery!
you thought I didn’t really notice. But I did. I wanted to high-five you.
Yesterday I had a pair of brothers in my store. One was maybe between 15-17. He was a wrestler at the local high school. Kind of tall, stocky and handsome. He had a younger brother, who was maybe about 10-12 years old. Thy were talking about finding a game for the younger one, and he was absolutely insisting it be one with a female charcter. I don’t know how many of y’all play games, but that isn’t exactly easy. Eventually, I helped the brothers pick a game called Mirror’s Edge. The youngest was pretty excited about the game, and then he specifically asked me.. “Do you have any girl color controllers?”
I directed him to the only colored controllers we have which includes pink and purple ones. He grabbed the purple one, and informed me purple was his FAVORITE.
The boys had been taking awhile, so their father eventually comes in. He see’s the game, and the controller, and starts in on the youngest about how he needs to pick something different. Something more manly. Something with guns and fighting, and certainly not a purple controller. He tries to convince him to get the new Zombie game “Dead Island.” and the little boy just stands their repeating “Dad, this is what I want, ok?” Eventually it turns into a full blown argument complete with Dad threatening to whoop his son if he doesn’t choose different items.
That’s when big brother stepped in. He said to his Dad “It’s my money, it’s my gift to him, if it’s what he wants I’m getting it for him, and if your gonna hit anyone for it, it’s going to be me.”
Dad just gives his oldest son a strong stern stare down, and then leaves the store. Little brother is crying quietly, I walk over and ruffle his hair (yes this happened all in front of me.) I say “I’m a girl, and I like the color blue, and I like shooting games. There’s nothing wrong with what you like. Even if it’s different that what people think you should.”
Big brother then leans down, kisses little brother on the head, and says “Don’t worry dude.”
They check out and leave, and all I can think is how awesome big brother is, how sweet little brother is, and how Dad ought to be ashamed for trying to make his son any other way.
Beautiful. Thank you for sharing, and for what you said. <3
As Tumblr is having embed issues: http://bcove.me/qs3211sh
Wonderful. It’s great to know a voice like hers is out there. Her speech is well worth listening to.
”When any part of humanity is sidelined, the rest of us cannot sit on the sidelines. … When we see denials and abuses of human rights and fail to act, that sends the message to those deniers and abusers that they won’t suffer any consequences for their actions, and so they carry on. But when we do act, we send a powerful moral message. … To people of all nations, I say supporting human rights is your responsibility too. … The actions you take, the ideals that you advocate, can determine whether human rights flourish where you are.”